Last night was night 3 of my sweet little Makenzie Grace not sleeping because of a HORRIBLE cold. This is by far the sickest that she has been and it has been so hard! I just wish I could do something for her and make it all better. She is normally my good sleeper of the two, but she has been so sick that she has been unable to even nurse because she is so congested so sleeping has been rough. It has also thrown the girls onto completely different schedules as far as eating, napping/sleeping (when that actually happens), and playtime which makes for an extra long day and not a second to myself. I know it's just a matter of time before the rest of us get this crud.

This Saturday will also mark 3 months of my crazy little monkey Makayla not sleeping more than a couple hours here and there at night and her naps last anywhere from 10 minutes to 2 hours, but average usually 30 minutes. The Dr is positive that she is suffering from bad separation anxiety and after these last couple of weeks of trying out his advice and suggestions I believe he is 100% correct. How do I fix this?!?! I love that she loves me so much, but I hate that she has these awful feelings.
Sadly I cannot remember the last time I slept for more than an hour straight and let me assure you I am absolutely EXHAUSTED!!! Everyone says sleep when the babies sleep...well that is IMPOSSIBLE when you have twins especially when they are so opposite lately! Not to mention my one child HATES to sleep. The most sleep I do get is in the morning when Carl takes care of the girls before he leaves for work and I cherish that time.

Right now I am banking on the fact that as the saying goes things happen in threes...well Makenzie has had 3 sleepless nights and Makayla has had 3 sleepless months so it has get to get better...RIGHT?!?! If not don't be surprised if my next post is written from a mental institution. I seriously feel some days like I am losing my mind...between not sleeping and all of my health/body issues especially as of lately, losing our dog, not to even mention the stresses/issues of everyday life (and me getting laid off when I was on bed rest to top all that off), and oh did I mention BOTH girls are teething.

Trust me I know things could be so much worse and we are truly blessed to have these sleepless nights with our girls, but right now I am tired, cranky, stressed, starving (oh yeah I have horrible eating habits now and have a hard time keeping up with the girls needs so whenever I do get the chance to eat they suck it all out of me), in pain, hurting, etc and just need to vent! So if anyone has ANY advice to offer I would appreciate it!!! Please keep us in your prayers :)

Always loved and never forgotten

January 10 was a horrible no good very bad day for us. Without having to relive it all here is the email we shared with our family & friends...

"It is with very heavy and sad hearts that I write this to let you guys know that our Fur Baby Lexi has gone to join Barney in doggie heaven. She has been sick and we knew something was obviously wrong with her although we did not want to acknowledge/admit it. So after much consultation with the vets, prayer, and each other the most difficult decision had to be made and the right thing had to be done...I keep thinking in my head how the best/right thing to do is always the hardest and I assure you this was. So sadly Lexi was put to sleep this evening after having some extra special time together over the past couple of days. Any other decision would have been selfish and delayed the inevitable and the best way to do it for us was quickly. We are obviously broken hearted over this and ask that you please understand that we DO NOT want to talk about this at all as it was one of the most difficult things we have had to do, but we wanted you to be aware so you can pray for our peace and comfort through this loss and also respect how difficult and devastating this is. We love you all and know that you will respect our wishes at this time and keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Sincerely, 

Traci and Carl

PS This is why I have not been responding to emails/messages and been distant as this has been a difficult and stressful situation to say the least."

RIP my sweet Lexi Lu we LOVE and MISS you!!!

Aside from the every day craziness of raising twins this is why I have been so silent on the blog lately. I have been stuck in this horrible funk and I am trying my hardest to snap out of it. This was for sure a lot harder than either of us thought it was going to be. It seriously has felt like we lost our child and it hurts. While struggling to have children Lexi was our child...through each miscarriage and difficult moment throughout she was ALWAYS there to snuggle, lick away our tears, and love us. During my 15 weeks of bed rest she never left my side and she was a great cuddler! Don't get me wrong she had her faults and difficulties, but I even miss each of those. Her good qualities far outweigh all the trying times, and like our dear friend said "she loved us like no other" and boy did she ever and we loved her just the same! I could seriously go on for days about what I love and miss about her and share literally 1000 pictures throughout the years, but at the end of the day I am so thankful to have all of those precious memories, videos, and photos and will always cherish them.

What I am most thankful for with our dogs Barney (he passed away in 2008) and Lexi that have now passed is that they prepared us to be the best parents that we can possibly be to our children. Not a day will go by that we won't miss our precious furry children, but I am just imagining that they are now together reunited in doggy heaven and having a blast just like the pictures below. Like the movie says...all dogs go to heaven!!!

Tiny little peanuts

Last week I had to take the girls to the Dr because they were both sick. While we were there they checked their weight. So at 6 months and 2 days Makayla weighed 13lb 1oz which puts her in the 8th percentile and Makenzie weighed 12lb 1 oz putting her in the whopping .9 percentile...yes I said POINT 9 so not even a whole 1 yet! I could not believe how tiny they are!!! Tomorrow we go for their 6 month appointment (although they turned 6 months back on December 28) so I am interested to talk to the Dr about this and see where they are at. He did not seem concerned at all last week though and in fact was happy because Makayla went from 1.2 percentile 5 weeks ago to the eighth and Makenzie actually moved up from .2 to .9. However I am NOT looking forward to their shots! Praying everything goes great tomorrow!

They sure are cute little peanuts!!!!!!
 

Our Christmas

Our Christmas went a little something like this...

Christmas Eve Church service with family to celebrate the real reason for the season

Makenzie lasted long enough to open her first gift which she loved!

Annual Turner family cousin photo to end a great Christmas Eve of family, food,  and celebrations at Pop-Poo's House

Good morning and Merry Christmas Makenzie Grace!

Good morning and Merry Christmas Makayla Faith

M and M opening their firstChristmas gift at home together Christmas morning!

Christmas Morning family PJ photo after watching the girls little faces light up with wonder from all their gifts!

The BEST things come in small packages

To Grandmothers house we go ;)

Makayla the Candy Cane Princess with daddy at my parents Christmas morning had so much fun seeing all her new toys!

Makenzie excited after opening her gifts at my parents where they were very spoiled!

Christmas afternoon and evening was spent with cousins and more family, food, tons of gifts, and celebrations!

All ready for bed after being spoiled by Carls family

The girls happy as can be with all their gifts!!!

And when I said spoiled by their loved ones...I meant SPOILED!!!

This first Christmas with our sweet girls here was more special than I could have ever imagined! We are so thankful for our many blessings and to all our family we love you and thank you for everything!!! And to all those we could not be with, we missed you!