***FYI...fair warning. This is going to be a loooonnnngggg one!!! Please don't feel like you have to read all of this by any means. This is for our babies to one day see what a miracle they are, this is also extremely therapeutic in many ways, and also this is for anyone that can be affected by our journey in any way...I have been so touched and affected by others being so open with their blogs and putting it all out there more than I could have ever imagined. I pray someone will be helped in some way from our blog one day as well!***
Ok...lets start with April 2008 to May 2009:
In April of 2008 we had an amazing wedding (feel free to check out our wedding pictures at: http://photo1.walgreens.com/walgreens/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=37219393/a=3389777_3389777/otsc=SHR/otsi=SALBlink/COBRAND_NAME=walgreens/ )
and incredible honeymoon (thanks to our wonderful family and friends) and pretty much just enjoyed being newlyweds all throughout the summer and fall. We lived in Wilmington at the time so we spent some time at the beach, worked, and spent time with family and friends for the most part.
In the fall we got to celebrate Carl's little sister getting married, then the birth of our precious niece and Goddaugther Olivia, and a trip to Florida for our best friends engagement!!! The fall was full of celebrations!
In November Carl got a new job. He began working for a company based out of Canada that installed artificial turf and sport cork. This job was going to have him traveling all over the country, but it was a great opportunity for us.
Christmas in 2008 was when we made a big decision in our marriage...we were ready to start to try to make a family!!! This decision was definitely helped by spending time with our precious nieces and nephews over the holidays! So I stopped taking my birth control which I had been on since as long as I can remember. This was a little scary for me to stop because I had always known there was a possibility that I had Endometriosis (however the only way to know for sure was surgery) but this was what we wanted and I was excited at the same time.
A little over a month later I started to feel like something was going on in me...I was not getting my monthly cycle either. I kept thinking could this really be...could we be pregnant already?!?! I even remember one of my best friends calling me to tell me she was pregnant and I told her I think I might be too and started asking her all types of questions. I took some at home tests but none were positive. I finally got an appointment at my OBGYN to come in for a blood test and US (ultrasound) to see what was going on and if we were pregnant. The feelings started to become a little painful and all types of pressure and I was using the bathroom all the time. The Friday before I was to go to the Dr on Monday I went in to work...I did not feel well at all and complained the whole day but I made it through my shift. After work I stopped at the tanning bed (yes I know...BAD) after I tanned I went to the bathroom and while sitting there I felt like something exploded inside of me. I felt like I was dying. I made it to my car and somehow began to drive. The further down the road the worse the pain got...it felt like my insides were rupturing...I was dizzy and sick but thankfully I made it to the hospital. I thought my appendix had ruptured or something. Fast forward a few hours and a Cat Scan the Dr came in the room and looked at me and said "wow...you are a strong woman". You had a very large ovarian cyst that has been rupturing and you have a lot of blood from the cyst is in your abdomen. She wrote me some pain meds and went on her way.
Through the weekend I was in rough shape to say the least. It was the most painful thing I had dealt with and between my back procedures Ive been through a lot! I finally called my OBGYN Monday morning to let them know what happened and they immediately brought me in for an ultrasound and to check on me. After seeing the ultrasound and checking me out my Dr was angry...she could not believe that first of all they did not even call her when I was in the hospital and that they did not do surgery which I needed. At this point however it was too late and I just had to wait a few weeks for all the blood to go away and the pain to stop. Going from thinking I was pregnant to this...not fun at all. Fast forward a few weeks...I started with all the same symptoms again...I thought there is no way this is happening again but yes it most certainly was. This was just a little one so it was not nearly as painful, but I did have yet another cyst rupture. At this point they did some testing on me and determined I have PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). According to Wikipedia: PCOS is one of the most common female endocrine disorders affecting approximately 5%-10% of women of reproductive age (12–45 years old) and is thought to be one of the leading causes of female subfertility. The principal features are obesity, anovulation (resulting in irregular menstruation) or amenorrhea, acne, and excessive amounts or effects of androgenic (masculinizing) hormones. The symptoms and severity of the syndrome vary greatly among women. While the causes are unknown, insulin resistance, diabetes, and obesity are all strongly correlated with PCOS. So based on what was going on plus the question of do I have Endometriosis (although my Dr was convinced I did not have it...although my medical history and family medical history as well would lead you to believe I did) the Dr decided it was time for the surgery. So we scheduled it for a few weeks later.
In March of 2009 I went in for a Laparoscopy...everything went fine. After the surgery the Dr went out to my parents and Carl to let them know how things went. She said that there was a mass that was removed and they were doing a biopsy on it and there were some other small cysts growing, and they got quite a lot of blood out of my abdomen that was causing a lot of pain and pressure from the cysts rupturing, but other than that things looked good and most importantly...no Endometriosis!!! The Dr was very excited to tell my parents this...a little too excited like she had almost convinced herself I didn't have endometriosis because she wanted to prove us wrong on our thoughts and suspisions, but she was the Dr and we trusted her. So I went home to recover in good spirits and my Dr wanted me to follow up with a Fertility specialist because of the PCOS. However over the next couple of weeks instead of feeling better I was feeling worse.
I finally had my first appointment with the fertility specialist and he brought Carl and I into his office to get our history and talk to us. I let him know everything from the time I was a young teen and started having issues to the latest of episodes and surgery. I had also been sent with pictures from the surgery to share with him. After I handed him the pictures his first comment to us was "well I see you have Endometriosis". Carl and I looked at each other like...what?!?! I told him oh no Dr X said I most certainly do not. He said well...I want to do an exam and get all the notes from the surgery and all your medical records but from what I see its pretty bad. So we went in the other room and he did an exam and he was convinced I have it afterwards. He wanted to just verify his suspisions though so he sent me on my way to do some further research. A couple days later I was in more and more pain so I came back in for another exam and he looked at me and said...I'm sorry but we have to go back in for another surgery immediately because it has already spread even more and its just gonna keep on getting worse until we do something about it. He also diagnosed me with Interstitial Cystitis (which is painful long term inflammation of the bladder wall) and put me on some meds for that. Needless to say we left very confused and upset to say the least. But we wanted to do what was best so we scheduled another surgery...because I had just had surgery on my abdominal area they had to give me at least six weeks in between the next one. So I waited in pain pretty much the whole time and did a couple minor procedures in the meantime to check things out and get better prepared for this one, and then finally the second laparascopy took place. This one was much different...evidently not only did I clearly have endometriosis it had taken over all my insides (well the female ones that is). The Dr said it was covering over 80% of my insides!!!!!! First of all how did the first Dr miss this and second no way were we gonna get pregnant without removing all of this!!! The doctor literally scraped my insides and removed all that he was able to. Some of it was already too far damaged or bad off to do anything but he removed what he could. I definitely felt like my insides had been scraped and ripped apart, but in the long run I knew I would feel better after the recovery process was over.
Throughout all of this Carl was still traveling all over the country in between surgeries and procedures. At times he was gone for weeks at a time...it was tough. So with everything that had been going on we made a big decision...it was time to leave Wilmington and move back to Raleigh to be closer to our family and friends...especially with Carl being gone for such long periods of times. So we began to search for homes pretty much immediately in April. While I was recovering from 2 surgeries and everything that had been going on I had lots of time to look on the internet and thanks to a great real estate agent we had lots of help. We made a couple day trips to Raleigh to look at homes and by the middle of May we had decided on a home. It was a very quick process for sure and we set to close in the end of June! We were stoked, but also sad to be leaving our home and friends/family we had in Wilmington but this was for the best!
Now back to the female stuff...so I had my post-op follow up with my Dr and he shared with me everything that he had done during surgery and showed me pictures and basically confirmed all of his suspicions. He was pretty optimistic though as far as our chances of getting pregnant and said once I healed from everything that we had the best chances of trying then. I also let him know we were moving, but we were going to be sticking with him at least throughout the summer. He was fine with that and pretty much gave me some guidelines and sent me on my way to just wait on my body to recover and get back on a normal cycle.
So I went on my way to recover and wait it out through the rest of May and finally started to get back to life and work.
June 2009 through December 2009
Well I was well on my way to recovery by the beginning of June and VERY busy! I was finally back to work...at least for a few weeks at the Wilmington Walgreens and Carl was off working all over the place. In between Carl traveling for work we were busy packing up the house and having yardsales to get rid of stuff and make some money to move. The last month in Wilmington flew by and it was finally time to head to Fuquay Varina to start our new lives as homeowners!!! Of course there was some drama getting into the new house, but hey it would not be normal for us without drama and suspense, but everything worked out and by the end of June it was official and we were in our new home!!!
We spent July getting settled in and I was working at local Walgreens picking up shifts. On the other hand the company Carl had been working for unfortunately ran into some money trouble and was unable to keep Carl or any of his crew on. So Carl got a job at Kanki until he could find something else.
Things with my back began to get a lot worse for some reason around this time. For those that do not know I have a variety of back issues that I have suffered from for over 10 years now. I have seen countless specialist and had countless procedures and done everything but major surgery. The short list of things I have been diagnosed with are Degenerative Disc Disease at L3/L4, L4/L5, & L5/S1, arthritis, osteopenia, piched nerves on my low right side as well as nerve damage in my right leg, bursitis in my hips, herniated bulging discs, the muscle that goes up the right side of my back and then holds the hips in place is becoming detached and therefore my right hip rolls in and out of place also causing muscle weakness and pain all on the right side especially, and fibromyalgia. I was referred to a new specialist when we moved back and started to see them in August. Between August and November I had 11 different procedures including all types of injections and also nerve ablations and radiofrequency's where they literally burned/fried my nerves. I was hoping all this would help so that when we did get pregnant I would not be in so much pain. So back to the fertility stuff....
As far as me and my female issues....well I had recovered from the surgery and was just waiting for my body to get back on cycle, however my body did not want to cooperate. I went around 50 days without a cycle and no pregnancy so my Dr in Wilmington finally prescribed me some meds that actually got me to cycle and some meds to also help induce ovulation. Once I took that we thought we were back on track so we went through the month like normal. Yet again it was around 35 days and no cycle or pregnancy and I called my dr again and they said I had to wait till 40 days at least. I knew this was pointless but hey gotta listen to the Dr. So on day 40 they called in the same meds. At this point I was a little frustrated to say the least...I knew there had to be more the dr could be doing for me. So I actually asked them to refer me to someone in Raleigh since we were getting no results and asked around for people's opinions on fertility specialiast and was led to North Carolina Center for Reproductive Medicine/Dr Toma.
We got in with them by the end of August I believe and were shocked at how serious they took this and what all we had been missing out on!!! There was way much more that they could have been doing for me as far as blood work and meds and such. Oh well we were thankful to finally find somewhere that looked as if they could help us. We had a sit down with the Dr and went over our history and records. He ordered some bloodwork for Carl and I and prescribed me to Metformin for my PCOS (this was one of the big things that was overlooked at past Drs...it was mentioned but never actually prescribed). Typically this is prescribed for diabetes however it is also used to help treat Polycystic ovarian syndrome because one of the symptoms of PCOS is insulin resistance. According to infertilityspecialists.com here is a bit of an explanation as to what exactly it does for PCOS:
Metformin is currently being used to induce ovulation in women with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). Metformin is an insulin sensitizing drug originally used in the treatment of diabetes. Metformin “reverses” insulin resistance (hyperinsulinemia) thus effectively treating many diabetics.
Up to 40- 70% of patients with PCOS have hyperinsulinemia which leads to excess androgen (male hormones) production by the ovaries and increased production of LH by the pituitary. The body tries to compensate for insulin resistance by the “over production” of insulin. Increased LH levels cause further elevations in androgens. Clinically, this results in ovulatory irregularities (or anovulation), increased body hair, numerous small ovarian cysts, and a classic “pear shaped” body appearance (obesity; although not always) and long term negative health consequences such as diabetes.
Metformin sensitizes the cells to insulin thus lowering the body’s production of insulin and consequently reducing androgen production. Once androgen production has been normalized ovulation can often resume. Metformin is dosed at 500 mg three times per day and Clomid or FSH may be added if ovulation is not established.
Numerous studies indicate that metformin as sole therapy is often effective in establishing ovulation in PCOS patients. Metformin is not without side effects and nausea is one of the most frequent.
PCOS patients usually have exaggerated responses to medications, such as FSH. Given the complexity of the disease, its potential long term consequences,and difficulty to treat, PCOS patients should seek the advice of a reproductive endocrinologist.
I know thats a lot to understand...it still to this day is for me. All I know is it helps with infertility and thats what mattered to me. When I started the Metformin I endured every single side effect possible (The most common side effects with metformin are nausea, vomiting, gas, bloating, diarrhea and loss of appetite)...it literally took me months to get over them and they were not fun but hey if it was what I needed then it was worth it! The Dr also wanted me to try a different medication to induce ovulation so when the time came the next month I was to start that as well. Not only did they prescribe me these new meds and give us a ton of information, but they also wanted me to call them when I started my cycle so that they could have me come in for blood work and ultrasounds on specific days to watch things closely to see how my body was working. The ultrasounds would show us if the meds were helping me to produce any dominant follicles (eggs) and watch their growth to see when/if they were going to ovulate and to let us know when to be trying for a baby. I was so excited when we left and shocked at how slack the Dr's were in Wilmington and what we had been missing out on. So we left the appointment with an exciting new outlook!
The next week Carl got a new job at a place called Physician's Pharmacy Alliance where he was a delivery driver for a private pharmacy that delivers meds to patients who are on Medicaid and Medicare that get 8 or more meds a month. Carl was super excited to be out of the restaurant business and so was I for him! I also became a full time senior pharmacy technician at a new Walgreens in Holly Springs. That weekend was our best friends wedding so we headed to Charlotte for a fun filled wedding weekend...we had a BLAST!!!
The following week my cycle started so I began the new meds for ovulation and started the bloodwork as well. Based on the bloodwork they had me come in around day 10 of my cycle for the ultrasound and things went from there. Things looked good and they told us when the best time for timed intercourse was. So we tried and just played the waiting game to see if it worked. Unfortunately it did not so when the next cycle came we started the same process over again and waited again to see if it worked. I woke up and took an at home pregnancy test and shockingly...it was POSITIVE! I called my nurse and she said come in for bloodwork immediately. I rushed to the Dr and then waited all day for them to call and finally talked to the nurse at like 5 and she confirmed we were pregnant! The next step was that I had to come in for two more blood tests to make sure the levels were rising like they want to see (they like to see the numbers double every two days for 3 blood tests). So I did the rest of the blood tests and each time they doubled like they wanted them to...we were so thrilled!!!!!!!! The next step was to wait for an ultrasound which they would not do until I was 8 weeks (which was 4 weeks away for the appointment to get me in).
In the meantime Thanksgiving came and we wanted to share our good news with the family...so when we circled up for prayers my dad had us go around the room and say what we were thankful for and when it got to us (we were last) Carl said we are thankful we are gonna be parents!!! Everyone screamed and cried and we were soooooo excited. We had lots to be thankful for and enjoyed our day. Over the next couple weeks we went on with our normal routine...of course extra excited that is.
Then the big day finally came...the ultrasound! We went into the Dr's and he began the ultrasound and from the first second I knew something was wrong. I'll never forget what he said...he looked at the nurse and said...how far along is she suppose to be??? The nurse responded 8 1/2 weeks. He then looked at us and tried to explain the baby just stopped growing. I did not understand or want to believe him at all. The Dr said well let me go back and look at your chart and lets sit down. We did and he confirmed his suspisions...I should really be like 8 weeks 5 days and the baby stopped growing at 5 weeks. I did not understand...I was sick as a dog with morning sickness this whole time along with every other pregnancy symptom how could this be?! Dr Toma said I am still pregnant and will still experience all of the symptoms until the baby is out of me. He gave us a million reasons this could have happened but to be honest I barely understood cause I was too upset. He then gave us two options...to do a DNC or to take this medicine that would cause me to miscarry. I was too upset and just did not want to believe him plus I wanted to make an informed decision so we left the Dr and went home to discuss things and think about it. We talked and did a little research and decided the best choice for us was to do the medicine...this way I did not have to recover from a procedure and we could start trying again quicker. The Dr was nice enough to let me come back in the next morning for one more ultrasound just to ease my mind and see if anything had changed and it had not so he gave me the medicine and we went home to wait to pass the baby (they said it could happen immediately or take up to 48 hours). This was 2 days before Christmas so I was hoping that it would happen sooner than later. Thankfully it started that evening and the worse parts were pretty much over by Christmas eve. Needless to say Christmas was a little difficult to celebrate to say the least. We however put on our happy faces and tried our best to enjoy it with our families...although we were just broken on the inside, but we did it.
January through August 2010
January came around...a new year YEA!!! We knew that there was a reason that this had happened and that God had a plan for us and we were looking forward to see what it was. We wanted to put everything behind us and move on and make the best of the situation. It at times was very difficult...epecially because EVERYONE in my life was pregnant...don't get me wrong we were very happy for them. Just we were wishing that we were in the same position and unless you go through such a loss yourself its something that you will have a hard time understanding and trust me I don't want people to understand cause its very tough.
Two weeks after our first miscarriage I began to feel a horrible pain that I knew all too well. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like something was exploding...I didn't want to wake Carl because I was pretty sure it was not my appendix but it was more female related (after everything I have been through over the years one thing I do know is my body). So I saw no reason to go the hospital plus it was a Sunday at 3 am. Because of all my back problems I had plenty of pain meds so I took those and stayed in bed allllll day long Sunday. Monday I woke up still hurting very bad so I finally called the dr and went in for an ultrasound and yep...another cyst had ruptured. And as with the first one I had a lot of blood in my abdomen causing the pain. Because I did not go to the ER and because insurance is crazy my Dr would have to book an operating room to get all of it out to relieve the pain but the OR waiting list because it was not an ER visit was a couple days which was pointless. My Dr knowing my history offered me an alternative...surgery in the office operating room with no anesthesia. Knowing how painful that blood staying there is I opted to do the surgery. I did take some sedatives and pain medicine but other than that I was awake. The Dr went in and I will spare you the horrible details cause it was rough but he got ounces and ounces of blood out of me. I was in pain from the surgery but could already feel such relief. Because of this happening it set us back a little bit as far as trying for another baby because I needed time to recover.
So February came around and we were back on track. We talked with the Dr and made a decision to try to do IUI ( intra-uterine insemination ). Basically they take the guys sperm and wash it and then insert it with a catheter so it gets straight to where it should be. The time came and we did it. It was very easy not painful or difficult at all. So now we wait and see if it worked.
It was the beginning of March by now and it was time for my sister in law's baby shower. We had so much fun getting it all together and the day went great! The shower went awesome and afterwards all the guys came back and we had a birthday party for my father in law. At this point it was still too early to take a pregnancy test, however I just knew that the IUI had worked and we were pregnant. The next day we were at my aunts for a birthday party and all the sudden my mom runs to the bathroom and gets sick. I just figured she ate something that upset her stomach or something. Then a couple hours later around 8 we were at home and I all the sudden ran to the bathroom sick as can be. At first Im like oh yea morning sickness has begun again (yes I was actually happy)!!! Then I quickly realized after spending hours in the bathroom and being sick from every end of my body that this was not morning sickness. By 1 am I told Carl to take me to the hospital...I knew I was pregnant and I was so afraid something was going to happen to the baby. They got me in at the er immediately and got an IV in me and started pumping me full of fluids and anti-nausea meds. They did some bloodwork on me and confirmed my suspisions...we were pregnant!!!!!!! As sick as I was it was hard to be too excited, but we were!!! They also pumped 2 bags of sugar water into me before they would let me out of the er but after being there all night they let me out with some meds and sent me home after being diagnosed with the norovirus. And it did not stop with me and my mother at least 20 others that were at the shower/party got sick with the virus...it was AWFUL!!!
The next day I was still so sick so I waited until the following day to go to my Dr for bloodwork to see if my numbers were going up. The numbers did go up the next day and we were thrilled! Of course they wanted to see the hormone levels double every 2 days for 3 test so we had a few more to go. I went back two days later and got a call that afternoon and the nurse told me the numbers did not really improve. We were shocked...I was still sick at this point and now had strep throat and bronchitis and all that fun stuff so I was wondering if that had anything to do with it. They had me come in again for more bloodwork and the numbers had actually decreased. At this point they told me that there was obviously something wrong with the pregnancy and at this point we should just wait to have another miscarriage. I wasn't far enough along (at this point I was about 5 weeks) to have to do any type of DNC or anything. So a week later I had another miscarriage at a little over 6 weeks along.
We were crushed and just confused and a million different emotions. We decided we needed a break from life so we planned a vacation. We went on a last minute 4 day 3 night cruise out of Port Canaveral Florida to the Bahamas...it was awesome and just what we needed!!! We talked about everything and just focused on each other and our relationship...then we headed back home to reality.
Over the next couple months my Dr and Husband decided that my body needed a break as much as I did not want a break I knew it was the best thing to do. So we just tried to move on and take it easy for a while. In May our precious niece was born so we got to love on her, we took a couple trips to the beach to see friends and other than that just lived our lives.
By June we were finally given the approval to start trying for a baby again. So now it was time to see if my body was going to work. We were also blessed with a trip to Alaska at the very end of June/beginning of July to see our family that now live there and for Carl to also do a little work on some fields. It was an absolutely incredible trip of a lifetime and we had so much fun with our family. We did and saw things I never thought I would be able to...it was amazing. We were also hoping to come home with an Alaskan bun in the oven. While we were there my body responded to the meds and was working. We had actually planned on trying the IUI again after we got home from Alaska but I responded to the meds to induce ovulation so quickly that it happened while we were away.
So now we play the waiting game again to see if we were pregnant with an Alaskan baby. In the meantime we got to meet our new precious nephew (technically my second cousin) who was born July 1 while we were in Alaska. Between all our nieces and nephews and friends precious little ones we were surrounded with little ones to love on!
The time finally came to test and unfortunately no Alaskan baby. So since we had been at NCCRM for a year we decided it was time to have a sit down with the Dr and see what he thought. We went in and he explained that because I have PCOS and endometriosis and with our history that our best chances were going to be IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). He also wanted Carl to do an in-depth Seman Analysis. He also gave us the option of a getting all of the medicaion that you take in preparation for IVF but depending on how my body responded we could then just do IUI which would save us lots of money. The risk with this is that if my body was to overstimulate from the meds and produce too many eggs that either we could not go on with the IUI because it would not be safe if there were like 8 or more eggs in case they all took or we would have to go through with IVF.
After we sat down with Dr Toma we had some bloodwork and the financial coordinator came in to go over how much IVF would cost. With our insurance our up front out of pocket expense was going to be $7500. This did not include any of the meds or the office visits and ultrasounds that are a required part of the process. We were surprised by how much it was even with insurance. So we left that day overwhelmed and a little depressed because we knew we could not afford this anytime soon.
